Say It Ain’t So

So, a little way into Summer (I have no idea what day it is), and I seem to be an incomprehensible mess of boredom, loneliness and vacancy of thought.

I am currently lying on my bed, staring longingly at Kurt Cobain, who is stapled to my ceiling. A poster depicting his god-like face, that is, not actually him. And he’s godlike in attractiveness, not long-white-beard-like-Santa-ness.

See what I mean, I can’t even construct a statement without confusing myself. And being confused about stapling Santa to the ceiling is not cool.ย The only thing I can think of that is less cool, is Derren Brown being gay. How could something like that happen :”'( I hate everything. *cries forever and ever*

I definitely do not want to talk about it. *stabs self with fork* *dies*

Okay I’m going to talk about it. Thanks to the pure evil that is the internet, I am no longer entirely sure that Derren Brown is straight. The more I try to find an answer, the more confused I become. Google, why do you hate me so?

Please, someone, tell me my soulmate is not bent?

So far this summer, I have done absolutely smeg all. And for the rest of summer, I plan to do absolutely smeg all. And now, I will do smeg all while possibly having to be grieving the best relationship Derren will never have…

OMFGZ I smegging hate this smegging game *angerangerhate* … LINK GODDAMMIT. Spending 2 hours continuously failing to grab a rope is not cool. Damn pirates. Yeah, really.

This post does have a purpose besides expressing my inner turmoil, however. Today, as well as being the day on which I got the most views ever, I got my SECOND SUBSCRIBER. *jizz in my pants*. So yeah, shout out to you, my tree-hugging companion.

I have dedicated a post to you. Does this make up for the years of ย ‘battering and abuse’ ? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Well, perhaps it would do a better job if the post was not about my heart being smashed into tiny little pieces by the words ‘Derren Brown’s Boyfriend’. I would write about you, but I suppose you would punch me in the face or something, so I will refrain.

Also, while I am here, something you poor, desperate readers have been deprived of in my absence. My favourite thing.

A photo of the babe himself.

That is one nice picture. I can’t even describe that. We’re definitely getting married. He loves me really. I know he does.

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1 comment
  1. treehugger13 said:

    Thanks for the shout out angry elfin child! I feel sooo much better, the scars have fadded in an instant ๐Ÿ˜‰ a line or to would have been nice though. *HintHint* And fear not Martabug, he may not be gay yet, it may just be the internet getting its wires crossed (HAHAHA Geddit?) Its not over till the fat man sings. Btw, maybe it’s time you found a new hobby. Or leave the house. Or take up knitting. Or do what i do and complain via your blogg ๐Ÿ™‚

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