So, a little way into Summer (I have no idea what day it is), and I seem to be an incomprehensible mess of boredom, loneliness and vacancy of thought.
I am currently lying on my bed, staring longingly at Kurt Cobain, who is stapled to my ceiling. A poster depicting his god-like face, that is, not actually him. And he’s godlike in attractiveness, not long-white-beard-like-Santa-ness.
See what I mean, I can’t even construct a statement without confusing myself. And being confused about stapling Santa to the ceiling is not cool. The only thing I can think of that is less cool, is Derren Brown being gay. How could something like that happen :”'( I hate everything. *cries forever and ever*
I definitely do not want to talk about it. *stabs self with fork* *dies*
Okay I’m going to talk about it. Thanks to the pure evil that is the internet, I am no longer entirely sure that Derren Brown is straight. The more I try to find an answer, the more confused I become. Google, why do you hate me so?
Please, someone, tell me my soulmate is not bent?
So far this summer, I have done absolutely smeg all. And for the rest of summer, I plan to do absolutely smeg all. And now, I will do smeg all while possibly having to be grieving the best relationship Derren will never have…
OMFGZ I smegging hate this smegging game *angerangerhate* … LINK GODDAMMIT. Spending 2 hours continuously failing to grab a rope is not cool. Damn pirates. Yeah, really.
This post does have a purpose besides expressing my inner turmoil, however. Today, as well as being the day on which I got the most views ever, I got my SECOND SUBSCRIBER. *jizz in my pants*. So yeah, shout out to you, my tree-hugging companion.
I have dedicated a post to you. Does this make up for the years of ‘battering and abuse’ ? 😉 Well, perhaps it would do a better job if the post was not about my heart being smashed into tiny little pieces by the words ‘Derren Brown’s Boyfriend’. I would write about you, but I suppose you would punch me in the face or something, so I will refrain.
Also, while I am here, something you poor, desperate readers have been deprived of in my absence. My favourite thing.
That is one nice picture. I can’t even describe that. We’re definitely getting married. He loves me really. I know he does.