Moths

URGH. I mean really, urgh. I despise the little bastards. They are big and scary and horrible. Life on earth is  ‘beautiful’? Seriously? Moths?

HOLY CRAP.

That is one ugly creature of evil. What the heck is going on with it’s head? Again: URGH. If I had to choose something to wipe out that wasn’t the human race, I think I’ve found it. Just, ew.

What I really hate, though, is the invasion of personal space. Why is my house full of moths?! They just won’t leave me alone. Every corner I turn, there is a whopping great moth in my face.

And make no mistake, they are always in your face. With the manic flapping of the wings and the manic thinking everything is the moon… Oh my gosh, it’s the moon! … No, Mr Moth, that would be my face.

Why do they like the moon so much anyway? It’s a giant chunk of rock in the sky. LET IT GO.

Moths are just butterflies with extra Satan. And I really hate butterflies.

And another thing: they eat clothes. I’m hardly fashionable, but I don’t want some little smegger eating my clothes. Imagine you had a signed t-shirt. Imagine it was signed by, I don’t know, Derren Brown. Now imagine an insect of evil and fluffy-antennae chewed away at the signature.

MOTHS ARE BAD.

Not to mention the sad truths of evolution…

GIGANTOSAURUS MOTH WITH LASER EYES.

That’s right, one day, we will be surrounded by ridiculously large moths with the ability to shoot lasers from their bulging eye-balls.

There’s just nothing good about moths. They’re furry in a bad way, like bees. They vibrate. That’s just wrong. They attack innocent faces. Bad. They attack innocent faces in the shower. Bad and wrong. They suck up rotting fruit through their tongue, which is a tube. Wrong.

Some people believe moths are lost souls eternally trying to find heaven. What the holy smeg? WRONG.

Some people believe moths mean bad luck, and for some reason, that they bring mean letters. A little bit weird, but still: BAD.

I heard a story once about a moth flying directly into someone’s ear and remaining there flapping it’s wings until said person saw a doctor about hearing noises, and was presented with a dead moth from inside of their ear. *cringe*. Bad and wrong and downright disgusting.

So last night, I’m sitting around in my room, nerding-out and a huge-ass mo-fo moth decides the place to be is in my bedroom. I freak. It goes for my face. I freak more. But the absolute final straw? It goes for my tv. And sits directly on the  face of Link. That, my friend, is not cool.

There's A What On My Face?!

Moths are servants of Ganondorf! What more do you want?! Go all extinction on their tiny little asses!

Sadly, my delicate and loving nature meant that squishing the bitch was out of the question. So, I grabbed a glass I had been drinking from and trapped it. While rewarding myself for my quick-thinking and trapping skills, however, the moth spazzed out, and managed to get it’s enormous and terrifying wings all stuck in left-over Dr Pepper.

I swear it did it on purpose. It died. I’m going to hell.

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10 comments
  1. treehugger13 said:

    AMY I HAVE AN IMPORTANT STORY ABOUT WASPS. Write a new blog bitch. Bored of reading the same stuff!

    • Did you comment this in 2012? You still read this shit? *kills self* Ps I have lost the ability to write. Also my soul. Whatever. #goff

  2. treehugger13 said:

    You have no idea how much reading that hurt my frazzled, sleep deprived brain… And dude, if you wrote that you have issues, just putting it out there 😉 I gathered, maybe me n him will be buddies! Watch the space Amy ;P Love your newest nemiess

  3. treehugger13 said:

    HI! my last point was very important. When are you not nerding out, mofo? 😉 and when are you going to come n see me!!!! surely you can dragg yourself away from Zelda to see your ‘awesome, supercool, queen of the world’ bezzzzii marrah??? Love Kiddyy xxx

    • I will see you Wednesday at 4 (ish) at the piv, you pro. Missin’ you, bro. Also, stop sympathising for the little cretins, they are in league with Ganondorf, Caitlin, GANONDORF. (ps, that’s a bad thing)

  4. treehugger13 said:

    Amy, first of all i was slightly proud of you for not killing the poor little moth, which may i point out is more scared of you, than you are of it. And they are attracted to your face because it’s beautiful 😛 and dude, wasps are waaaay more evil than moths. Wasps are deliberate bastards. The irony is, unlike bees (which are kind of useful, i mean they are responable for life?) when them little bitches sting you, they don’t die! how unfair is that!!! brb

    • You’re right about the attractiveness of my face. Mmm. I’d bang me if I were someone else.

      • treehugger13 said:

        First off, i have no freaking clue who he is/ i never thought i’d actually say that? :L And i am in league with all creatuures! its part of my hippy training :’) Poor Moths. They maybe irratating but its not like there going to hurt you 🙂

        • Ganondorf (ガノンドロフ Ganondorofu?, ), known as the Great King of Evil or the Dark Lord, is the primary antagonist of a majority of the games in the Legend of Zelda series. Ganondorf was born a member of the Gerudo; as the only male member to be born in a hundred years, Ganondorf was given the title of King of the Gerudo. Gifted with powerful magic, Ganondorf sought the omniscient Triforce to grant his wish of conquering the entire world. After attaining the Triforce of Power, he staged several coups against the Royal Family of Hyrule to take the Hyrulean Throne by force. In the game manual of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, his full name is stated to be Ganondorf Dragmire, and his alias before his incursion into the Sacred Realm is stated to have been Mandrag Ganon, meaning “Ganon of the Enchanted Thieves.”
          The Triforce of Power that Ganondorf holds grants him near-immortality; the only weapons that can harm him are the Master Sword, Silver Arrows, and Light Arrows. In addition to granting him power, the Triforce of Power allows Ganondorf to transform into his more powerful beastly form, reminiscent of a pig or hog. During a massive time paradox following the events of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, the timeline of The Legend of Zelda was severed into two separate time streams, creating two different incarnations of Ganondorf, each having met their ends at the hand of Link, leaving uncertain futures for both. Both incarnations of Ganondorf sport a chin curtain and share many similarities.
          Ganondorf is commonly portrayed as the incarnation of pure evil, greed, and power. He is ruthless, cold, and calculating, seeing all others as either tools to be used or enemies to be destroyed. He is just as likely to reward a servant for a job well done as he is likely to kill them for speaking out of line. He is also shown to have an ego, believing that only he is worthy to rule the kingdom and showing an arrogant sense of entitlement.
          One of Ganondorf’s most defining traits is his unquenchable lust for power. Many of his actions are driven by his unending hunger to increase his dominion over the world. Born as the King of the Gerudo, the already powerful Ganondorf immediately sought dominion of all of Hyrule. Despite succeeding in sacking Hyrule Castle and proclaiming himself King of Hyrule, it soon became clear political power was not enough for him. His desire for the Triforce has led to his possession of the Triforce of Power, granting him god-like influence. Yet even this power did not satisfy him, only spurring him instead to gain all the Triforce pieces. Should Ganondorf ever fulfill his ambition of being the sole Triforce wielder, it is unlikely even this will satisfy him forever.
          It’s also implied that Ganondorf is emotionally unstable, as evidenced when he laughs maniacally as Hyrule is about to be flooded nearing the end of The Wind Waker.

          • (He’s a bitch)THEY’RE PLOTTING SOMETHING. I KNOW IT.

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