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I love the cinema. It’s one of my most favourite places. But today, that was all ruined. *angryface*

Today, I happened to sit next to the most ignorant, irritating, intolerable person in the entire world. I literally wanted to rip this persons heart from their chest with my bare hands. I had to hold myself back from standing up and Bruce Lee style fly-kicking her in the face.

My film of choice today was Paranormal Activity 3. Because, why not? And it was actually pretty good. Despite the intense struggle it was having trying to secure a story line, and unsatisfying ending…

But that’s not the point.

The point is that the pathetic excuse for a person that was sitting next to me made me want to blow myself up.

‘OMG I bet when he opens this door something jumps out or something, OMG LOLS this film is so scary LOLS he’s opening the door LOLS LOLS he is breathing, LOLS OMG’ 

*something jumps out*

‘AGOJRHOD, OMG SOMETHING JUMPED OUT, I TOLD YOU. BAHAHAHA. HAHAHA. BAHAHAHAHAH. HAAAAAAAAR. I THINK I’VE PISSED MYSELF. BAHAHAHA’ 

FUCK OFF.

‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT IS HAPPENING, MY EQUALLY RETARDED FRIEND?’

‘I THINK IT’S HAUNTED OR SOMETHING’

JUST FUCK OFF.

‘DID YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY? I DID, IT WAS FUNNY LOLS’

FUCK. OFF.

‘I HAVE A HEADACHE, THIS FILM IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE, OWWWWWWWWW OMG LOLS.’

GOOD. FUCK OFF.

Basically, the point is that the girl next to me was the worst human being on the planet. This happened for the entire movie. The. Entire. Movie.

(I also considered using this bastard. I think it might be the worst thing I have ever seen.)

– This has been in my drafts for 23957483 years. Figured, what the hell. –

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A couple of things worth mentioning.

Andy Biersack.

That amazing man right there, threw his water bottle into the crowd, and it hit me on the head. HRTOHDGFJBIGNBVAWEIFHREIGFLHJKBFGKHNFKGNHKFLGNHFGKLNH

The one on the floor.

I met Jason Butler. (ps letlive. are one of the best bands out there) (pps I love him)

Oh and my tiny hands are in this photo.

Enter Shikari

‘Coz I know how much the people of the interwebs are interested in my life.

Okay, so I’ve now written two posts about live music. Seemingly, even though both gigs were freakin’ awesome, I haven’t found it in me to have a proper rant about how goddamn amazing it really is. I love live music. There aren’t that many things I love, really, but this is one of them. So here’s my opportunity to demonstrate my fixation with it.

HOLY CRAP HOW GOOD ARE THE WOMBATS?

The second time I saw them, 3 days ago, was like really, really good sex. Really. I can’t even explain how brilliant they were. Wow. I fucking love those guys. I am in love with all three of them. I am in love with everything they have ever written or covered or said or done.

Go see them. If you never take heed to any other advice I hand out, take heed to this!

AMY WAS HERE.

The guy in the middle is Tord. If you recall a mention of him a while back. The Norwegian hottie. Yes, hottie. Mmz. There was this moment when he dove into the crowd and some girl tore off his shirt. It was a fine moment. *dribble*

The atmosphere in that room was ridiculous, in a brilliant, brilliant way. Never have I felt so inclined to throw myself around and sing (screech).

Okay, my second post today. Wow, I’m not very good at writing positively. And my sudden motivation has dried up and blown away. So, uhm.

*to be continued*

LOL SPAM.

Okay, I’m not sure this deserves a post, but here goes:

I approve spam comments. I was mildly amused at myself when I realised I do it. Thinking about it, I have decided that I have three main reasons.

First and foremost, I freakin’ love it when I get a comment. HELLO POPULARITY. I feel like the reincarnation of Jesus. Reading the uberly complimentary comments that most spammers seem to like to use makes me feel absolutely brilliant. I want to dance and sing and hug my pet cat, because someone out there thinks that I’m awesome. *bigheadedmoron*

Also, my mind-blowing sense of humour has alerted me that it is incredibly funny when you write something totally non-serious and full of bullcrap *cough* Shopping Trolleys Are The Spawn Of Satan *cough*, and you get a spam comment telling you how amazingly intelligent and well-educated you are.

“I’m impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.”

A comment on a previous post. Really, I found that hilarious. That’s probably just me. But still, when I read it, I felt like a superhero. Thank you, strange religious spamming website.

Lastly, I want to ask a question. How does a spam blocking application know that it’s blocking spam? What if someone out there genuinely wants to compliment me to death and just happens to have the username ‘BUY MY PRODUCTS’? (okay, two questions) The very thought of myself deleting a genuine comment made me feel like Satan (not good) and therefore I had no choice in the matter. It had to be approved. All of them, always, had to be approved.

So, spammers, I bet you get a lot of hate, but personally, I think you are awesome. And if there really are non-spammer people out there complimenting me, I love you.

So, take heed! Comments are my favourite things. And whenever I get a comment, I dance and sing and hug my cat. *beggingforattention*

Go on, James will love you. (Yes, that’s my cat’s name.)

So, the first day of Summer, and since 12 o’clock yesterday, we’ve been free to do whatever the hell we want. People seem to be getting quite excited. I, however, am really not.

That is how boring I have managed to become. I have 7 weeks of freedom ahead of me, and I don’t really want them. What the hell am I going to do to occupy myself for 7 weeks? I’ve no social life and no hobbies. Also, I hay-fever, and eczema, which is irritated by grass and flowers and all those summery things, so in my opinion, Summer can go fuck itself.

So, I think I would like some sort of long-term project. Very much open to suggestions, although i don’t see myself getting any. I’m tempted to do one of those ridiculous 30 Day Challenge things that are so popular on the inter-webs. Or I might play The Lying Down Game to pro level, and keep you lucky readers updated.

That’s something I’ve been meaning to mention actually – The Lying Down Game. The absolute best game on the planet. I mean, come on, combination of lying down, and amusement. I see no flaws in this. I see a few innuendos, but no flaws. Apart from that guy who died, that was unfortunate… But yeah, other than that, epic win.

Now, the important thing about The Lying Down Game is that it is absolutely under no circumstances to ever be called Planking. It is not called Planking. It will never be called Planking. Anyone who refers to it as Planking is an idiot. If you’re play The Lying Down Game and shout ‘look, I’m Planking’, you are not cool. Please, God, stop.

So besides death/job loss/idiots calling it ‘planking’, The Lying Down Game is the way forward. It really is. I think I probably will devote a majority of my holiday to playing it. I know you probably think I am two years too late, but I ensure you, this shit is eternal. Here is my favourite example found on the inter-webs.

Mind. Blown.

Norway. Ja, vi elsker dette landet.

Ah, Norway.

Norway is just ridiculously awesome. From their fish and potatoes, to the likes of Gorgoroth… What’s not to love? There is a rather excellent video demonstrating my point, which can be found below. Where i put it. YEAH, i can embed now. I’m becoming a pro at this blogging milarky.

So  yeah, awesome Norwegian video, which basically tells you everything i was going to say.

I mentioned Gorgoroth before, and left it at that. I will now expand. Yay, more reading for you. Gorgoroth are a Norwegian Black Metal band. Black metal is a rather prominent part of Norwegian culture. Norwegian people are actually pretty mental. My dad’s Norwegian flatmate seems to be absolutely berserk. (Berserk, what a word.) Anyway, back on topic… Norwegian music. World class shizzzzzle.

My prime example of AWESOME Norwegian music is going to have to be Kaizers Orchestra. They are pro. The very definition of the word ‘supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’? Kaizers Orchestra. (check this shit out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZkFXnm-RNQ&feature=BFa) A combination of musical skillage, brilliant (Norwegian) lyrics, and smegging brilliant gigs earns them first place on the ‘Amy Martin’s Favourite Bands’ list. Seriously, listen to their albums. Naw.

Kaizers, Being Brilliant...

On the subject of Norwegian musical talent. TORD ØVERLAND-KNUDSEN. He’s next to Derren Brown on my list, i’ll put it that way. If you don’t know who he is LOOK HIM UP. Find The Wombats! Spread The Word! Attend A Wombats Gig And Have Your Mind Blown!

Bassist, Legend, Beautiful Man. I love you, Tord.

Mmmmmmmm.

So, because of all the above. I’m learning Norwegian. Yes, that’s how i am spending my spare time. I mean, I’m no expert, but I’m loving the combine-words-to-make-new-words idea.

'Crocodile Photography Tips Committee'

I mean really, that is the way words should work. Another highlight in my studies was the translation of the word dirt: skitt. That’s pronounced ‘shit’. My immature mind was highly satisfied by that one.

I have been lucky enough to experience Norway for myself. It was AWESOME. I stayed in Bergen for a week, but it was enough to make you want to stay forever. Absolutely wonderful place. And as my Dad will be living in Oslo next year, I see more visits in my future. *happy face*

Kaizers Orchestra wondering why an English tourist is shouting at them over the street...

In Bergen, during 2008, I happened across Kaizers Orchestra. Look real close. I swear it’s them. Seriously. Kaizers. In that café.

Ha det.

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